We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
