hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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