i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
