Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
