I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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