you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
