You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
