My underwear smells like fireworks.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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