I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
