I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
