waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
