"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
