She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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