His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
