my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm just crazy horny about you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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