Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
