Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
