I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
