is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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