I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
