i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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