i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
