I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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