Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
