You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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