Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
