Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
