Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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