theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
