youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
