Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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