So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
