put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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