oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
True strength comes from lack of pants
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
