oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize