ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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