dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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