There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My liver is preforming stress tests.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize