Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
