I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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