My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
