i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
