I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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