This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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