Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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