last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
