He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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