ya dads aren't the best wingmen
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just found out that she named her cat after me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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