wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
