I don't usually arrange sex via text message
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dignity is for republicans.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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