i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You took a bar mat shot.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
