I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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