Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
