currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
