Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
