I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
