mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cockslap morals
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
