are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
