Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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