Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
