No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
