Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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