is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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