When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
