I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
