The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
